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forgive, don't forget
Though it is said one should forgive and forget, people often seem stumped at what forgiving means and how you do it without saying, "It was okay what you did." This is an article about this dilemma. Forgiving is suggested. Forgetting is not.
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Webster says that to forgive is to excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon. Or to forgive is to renounce anger or resentment against. Or, to forgive is to absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).
Forget is not mentioned.
You can forgive a rattlesnake for being a rattlesnake. It is folly, though, to pretend to yourself that a rattlesnake is not a rattlesnake. It is especially dumb when you find out the hard way that a rattlesnake is a rattlesnake and then you forget it is.
People argue with me when I say that everyone does the best he or she can do and should be forgiven for the harm that they do. I firmly believe this. You do, I do, everyone does the absolutely best we can do at any given moment.
The speed freak who looks at the clock and decides he is going to let himself get fired from his job because he would rather stay home and get high is doing the best he can do -- at that moment. This doesn't mean that later a person might not decide he should have done things differently. The twisted individual who believes it is a good idea to kill three people, kidnap, molest and kill a little boy and kidnap and molest a little girl is doing his pitiful, unfortunate, awful best. To forgive him is only to renounce anger and resentment. This doesn't mean his crimes should be forgotten -- his crimes represent who he is and this should not be forgotten. He can be forgiven in the sense of renouncing anger towards him and still be locked away for the rest of his life -- or even put to death. As with people like Hitler and Saddam -- who have hurt so many -- forgiving only means not being resentful or angry that they are rattlesnakes.
I am a believer of compassion for those so unfortunate as to be so screwed up or unlucky as to hurt others. But that doesn't mean that you forget who they seem to be. It is silly to trust a person to be someone you have not found them to be. But once you find out who they are -- what they can be expected to do in this circumstance or that --
FORGIVING is a decision for every individual to make for him or her self.
I obviously have a bias and believe in forgiving rattlesnakes for having become rattlesnakes. I believe in being practical. There is no practical reason NOT to forgive people for making bad moves. There are several practical reasons to do so.
The bottom line and intention of this article is to suggest that forgiveness is possible without forgetting -- that you can forgive rattlesnakes for being so dangerous and still take steps to try to keep safe from them.
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then forgive them but trust them to be who they have shown you they are -- and do not forget it.
To forgive those who have hurt you is a high level of being. To foget is a silliness.
forgive, don't forget -
applied to your self
You can -- and I believe should -- apply this motto to yourself: forgive, don't forget.
Forgive your self for your mistakes and transgressions. Beyond a few kicks in the butt accompanied by thoughts of the mistakes you may have made, there is nothing to be gained from being harsh and unforgiving when you have made mistakes. If you have done harm to someone you cared for -- or done something you are ashamed of -- treating yourself badly is only going to increase the amount of bad things you might do in your life. This is the fundamental problem with the prison system -- traumatizing, torturing and generally destroying a person from the inside is not a way of insuring he or she will do less harm in the world. It is only a means to assure that he or she will.
If you feel badly about something you have done, either make it up to the person wronged or make it up to the world in general. If you have added bad stuff to the system, make it up by adding good.
Forgive yourself but do not forget you owe a debt and you should pay with some interest.
Contribution of article made possible through Dr. Glenn Johnson PhD
@ http://www.head-cleaners.com
More articles, Hypnosis CD's, Tapes, and MP3's are available through Dr. J's website.
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