Dealing With The
Empty Nest
Empty Nest Syndrome is a feeling of great loss or sadness when a child leaves home to go to college or just to get out on their own. If you are the child's mother or mother figure, you may experience a true sense of loss, loneliness or even worthlessness. You may feel your job is over (its not!) and your child doesn't need you anymore. (They do!) For some, not being involved in your child's everyday life and this is not just for mothers, but fathers too, may create a temporary identity crisis. You may find yourself depressed or anxious experiencing unaccountable tears or simply being highly emotional. You may wonder who you are and what are you worth, if not as a parent.
Believe it or not, this can truly be a significant and positive transition and period of growth for you. Given time and motivation, it can be an opportunity for exciting changes.
Tips To Combat The Empty Nest
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- Find someone to talk to, such as a spouse or a friend. If you don't feel better, consult a counselor or therapist trained in the field.
- When your child leaves home, you'll obviously want to keep in touch with him/her. But don't try and do this excessively. Be sensitive to the fact that your son/daughter is trying to take a big, significant step in life - which isn't actually much to do with you. Your child will need your support, but will not want to feel swamped. And the more you cling or show that you are upset, the less likelihood there is of him/her contacting you. Ration your calls to twice a week. Try texting or using email instead of phoning. You'll be able to keep your feelings brief without getting too emotional.
- Be kind to yourself and think of some ways to treat yourself such as a long luxurious scented bath with candles or a candle lit dinner.
- Relish the time alone. You now have that peace and quiet that you have been wanting. Remember when they played their music too loud, their friends were too noisy and you wondered if there would ever be peace again? Well, there is, right now! What are you going to do? Read? Knit? Paint? How will you use your quiet time? Make a list.
- Begin or reignite friendships. Think about the friendships that might have gotten put on the back burner while you were raising your children. Contact them! Let them know you are much more available and want to renew the friendship you once had. You also might want to add new friends to the mix. Get yourself out there. Socialize. Sign up for classes, a club, or sport that you are interested in.
- Broaden your horizons. Make your world bigger. When was your last trip or vacation? You don't have to go around the world, just get out of town. Expand your world view. Pick a place and go. Explore. Your children are making their world bigger by just leaving home. Now is your turn.
- Find something meaningful. Raising your children has been a full time job. Now the children are gone and you need to replace that, you need another way to do your special work. What are your strengths? What are your skills? How can you use these to help others? Whether it's through church, community, or more global, your gifts are needed. Consider "adopting" a friend's toddler, taking on a babysitting job, or becoming a Big Sister/Big Brother. Lots of volunteer opportunities exist that will fulfill you and make the time fly by.
- If you've wanted a pet but felt you didn't have time, now's your chance. They help fill the void and give a lot of love!
- This can also be a time of fresh beginnings in terms of employment. You might like to consider further education or training. This can be a very challenging time for you. Nothing will ever be the same again. But just because everything's different, doesn't mean it can't be good.
Summary
Life is a journey. Not only are your children embarking on one, but so are you. Take a look at the big picture of your life. Having your children go off to lead their own lives is just one small piece of the jig saw puzzle. Consider this time of your life a step forward, a step in the right direction. You now have your very own life, so go lead it!
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