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[ This is not even close to an exhaustive discourse on all sleep problems or all the causes of sleep problems or sleeplessness and it's not anywhere near an exhaustive discourse on all of the remedies available. ]
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basic sleep facts
Sleep is cyclical. Most of us humans enter into sleep by first relaxing and then we slip into sort of half-asleep stage (where sometimes really good thinking happens -- some people keep a notebook by their bed just in case they think of something because they're not likely to remember their thoughts the next morning), and then we "go to sleep" -- entering into deepening levels of sleep and then REM sleep (where we do most of our dreaming). And then we almost -- or actually (especially if there's a little anxiousness) -- wake up before entering back into deepening sleep stages of sleep and then REM again. (A child or adult dealing with a bit of anxiety might find him- or herself waking up several times during the night.) Each cycle lasts somewhere around 90 minutes. Our brains get used to things and keep us alert (and this keeps us awake) whenever things change. Our brains both get used to and tune out regular elements of our environments. If your child is used to sleeping with a light on, a dog on the bed, a favorite stuffed animal, noise in the house, quiet in the house, a parent in the room, a sibling in the room, etc., then a change in that element will result in some degree of sleeplessness. It takes time to get used to a new change in sleeping situation. A change can cause several minutes to a few hours of sleeplessness before sleep finally comes. This can happen for a few nights or even a week. This is just the way our brains work. If your child is used to you being in the room or the light being on or the dog being there till s/he goes to sleep, she will have difficulty getting to sleep if one night you have other things to do, the light is off or the dog is out. S/he can get used to the change but it will take a week or so and if there are intense reactions (by parent or child) it may take a little reward program to settle things with the least trouble. Sleep happens most easily when there's a consistent routine within which bedtime is routine -- this is true for adults and children. It is almost an art form to be able to get meaningful sleep without a routine. Few people can accomplish getting to sleep easily at differing times through the week. With regard to kids, if you're consistent in your interactions with your child and have your child on a regular (and therefor highly predictable) weekly schedule, he or she will sleep better (and eat better, behave better, feel better and do better in school). Many people find that it's generally a better idea to get up and do something meaningful rather than lay in bed obsessing about the sleep you aren't getting. Sometimes there are things stressing, causing sleeplessness, that can be dealt with as long as the time is available. If you label a problem a big deal, it will probably be one. Adult or child, if you label a sleeping problem a big deal, you may be adding to the problem. When problems are viewed as big, anxieties and self-doubts come into play and make things all the more complicated. Some people may have a sleepless night or two due to some physical or emotional problem or some hiccup in routine that resolves quickly. But if the problem is "blown out of proportion" there can be subsequent anxiety about getting enough sleep that can in and of itself cause sleeplessness long after any other cause of sleeplessness has resolved. Many, if not most, people who believe they are having sleep problems underestimate how much they sleep. When there are sleep problems or problems with tiredness, the amount of time not sleeping may be over-reported. (Time flies when you're having fun, they say, and the opposite is true, too. Time spent laying awake wanting to sleep is not fun, and each minute can seem like ten or twenty.) There are sometimes reasons other than actual sleeplessness that may cause a person may feel he or she is not sleeping even if he or she actually is getting to. Anxiousness, agitation, and certain diseases and disorders can cause brief periods of sleeplessness and poor restfulness during sleep.
If you are anxious or depressed, your children are probably affected by it. If you're concerned about sleep problems in your child or children and you are experiencing depression or anxiety, one or more of your children may be affected. If you or someone else isn't working hard to convince them that everything is really all right or going to be all right, your children are probably going to be either anxious and depressed or anxious, depressed and angry -- even though he, she or they may hide their feelings from you -- and there may well be sleep problems as a result. If there are problems occuring that cause worry during the day, thees may interfere with sleep even if they don't seem to be bothersome at sleep time. Our minds can do a lot of multi-tasking and often things that are bothering us are "put aside" and out of consciousness but they are still being worked on or thought of even if they don't seem to be. This is even more complicated with children because their minds don't work the way adults' minds do and often they have things bothering them that adults around them wouldn't think (or wouldn't want to think) would be bothering them. Generally speaking, we all need to feel secure and safe to easily get to sleep. If there are threats to security, there are likely to be difficulties sleeping. If there are threats to security, deal with them. If nothing else can be done, work on faith. Threats to security may be very obvious and may also be subtle and difficult to recognize. With regard to the issue of security and strategies to feel secure: If you and your child are living with your child's other parent and you have a much closer relationship with your child than you do your adult "significant other," the child may develop sleep problems (as well as eating, emotional and/or behavioral problems) -- especially if you have lots of secrets with your child that exclude your child's other parent and/or you rely on your child as an emotional support. A child may also feel very insecure if you give him or her the idea that his or her parents cannot successfully manage adult living challenges or if the child is given too many adult responsibilities or decisions. Medications and some foods and drinks can cause sleeplessness. Many medications and some foods and drinks can cause sleeplessness -- and, as one ages and ones' body changes, medications, foods and drinks that didn't cause sleep problems in the past may begin to cause sleep problems. Taking a medication at a different time, eating or going drinking later than usual may also result in sleep problems that didn't occur when the medication, food or drink was ingested earlier in the evening. |
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 using hypnosis tapes/CDs for sleeplessness
Hypnosis tapes and CDs can be very helpful in dealing with sleeplessness in several ways. They can be used to keep one's mind occupied and focused on sleep in a much more practical fashion than is typical of the thinking that usually goes on when one lays awake trying to sleep. They may be able to suggest acceptable ideas about relaxing and setting problems aside for the night so that sleep can come. They may also be able to offer suggestions about letting one's self relax that amount to a new skill being learned that can be utilized on other occasions without the aid of the tape/CD. Hypnosis tapes/CDs provide a set of hypnotic interventions that can be accessed and utilized at any hour, day or night. They allow for a greater sense of control and an opportunity to "get to know" what messages are being delivered to the listener. Unlike a session with a therapist or hypnotist, tapes and CDs allow one to experience the session with whatever level of anxiousness about the experience that one feels a need for -- and then allows the listener to listen again, more relaxed because there are going to be no surprises. The most helpful elements of hypnosis tapes, MP3s and CDs for sleeplessness will foster a temporary soothing of frayed nerves and distresses (your brain will not want to risk forgetting stresses for more than the night), and will focus on imagery and suggestions that foster direct or indirect control over the things that seem to get in the way of falling asleep and staying asleep.
 cautions Don't deal with symptoms before you deal with the problem(s) they "flag" (try to call attention to). Hypnosis tapes/MP3s/CDs can be very helpful during or following the process of treating sleep problems, BUT if sleep problems are symptomatic of some other disorder or disease that should be identified and treated - or symptomatic of stress and worry about something that should be directly dealt with - then reducing or eliminating the sleep problem symptom without dealing directly with the disease or stressor might result in masking an underlying problem that might get worse while being ignored. Using CDs/tapes/MP3s for sleep problems can be expected, of course, to work best if they can be listened to while resting comfortably in a position you will be comfortable sleeping in for eight hours. Even if they offer suggestions for getting to sleep later, the process of listening will be very, very relaxing and will probably foster sleep. If you need to stay awake when listening, you might inadvertantly pair, mentally, the thoughts imparted on the recording with the need to stay awake (which would be counter productive).
sleep problems in adults
In adults, sleep problems can occur because of disease processes, anxiety, depression, physical discomfort, and worry or stress. (Worry and stress are sometimes referred to as anxiety). As with most areas of life, one needs to be careful in assessing what the heck might be wrong that is keeping one awake nights. The common strategy for solving any problem is to decide what the cause(s) of the problem might be and then to decide what might be the most likely solution - and then try your best guess as to what will work and if it doesn't work, rethink. Identify and deal as directly as possible with underlying difficulties first. If you decide that your best guess is that sleep problems are most likely due to a physical disease process (i.e., hyperthyroidism, breathing problems, etc.), see a physician. If you decide it's most likely a psychiatric problem like anxiety or depression (also a physiologically-based difficulty -- which we usually refer to this as a mental health problem), see a psychologist or a physician (your general practitioner or a psychiatrist). Add self-help strategies like hypnosis tapes/CDs only in consultation with the professionals you consult OR after you have exhausted their skills. If you decide that your best guess is that sleep problems are most likely due to stress and worry about something (and you're pretty sure that your worry and/or stress doesn't qualify as depression or anxiety), add self-help strategies like hypnosis tapes/CDs AFTER you're certain you've done what you can to deal directly with whatever you are worried about or stressed by. Using head-cleaners tapes & CDs for sleeplessness in adults. Anything that keeps you stressed during the day is very likely to interrupt sleep at night. Anything you can do to at least temporarily reduce stress feelings and resolve issues on your mind will in all likelihood help you get better sleep. All of the head-cleaners tapes and CDs can be used to reduce or resolve stress and get to sleep. The term "hypnosis" basically means sleep like condition. Most people feel they fell asleep for at least part of most hypnosis expriences. Using a hypnosis tape or CD to reduce stress you have about a particular issue AND to relax and get to sleep is a "two birds with one stone" high calibre idea. You simply begin listening to a hypnosis tape or CD at bedtime. The portion of the recording you do hear before slipping into sleep will actually have greater impact. The part you miss because you do slip into sleep won't have much of an effect but at least you got to sleep. If you don't get to sleep -- which will be unusual -- you used the time to deal with an issue. Any of the head-cleaners recordings make good candidates for helping you get to sleep, though "are we asleep yet, too?" is focused directly on the elements of sleep problems listed above and will help you not only get to sleep but will plant suggestions that will help you get to sleep on other nights when not listening to the recording. This recording can be listened to at sleep time and when awakening during the night. If sleep problems have more to do with stress, any of the hypnosis CDs or hypnosis tapes I offer or that others offer might help even more. sleep problems in children
Having a child with sleep problems can be quite a problem for parents. Not only does the parents have to worry about the child's problem, but the parents find themselves having to do extra duty themselves. A sleep problem for a child is a sleep problem for the parents. As with adults, sleep problems in children can be caused by one or more factors. Illnesses can cause sleep problems by making the child uncomfortable or agitated. If breathing or coughing occurs or if bones and joints ache, if there's stomach problems, it's tough to sleep. Depression and anxiety can also cause sleep problems. And then there are also individual differences between people -- some children just don't seem to need as much sleep as others. Some good questions to ask yourself if you believe your child has a sleep problem:
Individual differences in sleep needs. If it seems like your child functions quite well with the sleep he or she gets, in spite of the fact that it seems to you to be too little sleep, maybe this is just an individual difference. If you know of others in your family that don't seem to need much sleep, this is probably some gene at work. Check with your pediatrician to be certain, but you're probably going to need to deal with this by finding things for your child to do in bed at night that are restful, quiet and absorbing -- absorbing enough that it keeps the attention while waiting for sleep but not so absorbing that it keeps your child awake beyond when he or she would have fallen to sleep. Nintendo-type stuff is too engaging. You'd likely often find your child still at the controls when you get up in the morning. Think books or music. One child I worked with could lay in bed and entertain himself quietly for hours with any household utensil. Imagination practice is good for kids and so is developing quiet, patient skills. Drugs can help knock a kid out for a night but that's not a good a learning experience as learning quiet patience.
Anxiety, depression, disorders. There are a variety of psychological situations that are more habit than disorder which can lead to sleep problems, many of which will be addressed below. However, sleep problems can also be caused by anxiety, depression or other fairly serious psychiatric disorders. If there is a history of sleep disorders, anxiety and/or depression in the family gene pool, then there could be good cause to get a consultation from your pediatrician. There are many medications that can help with biological and psychiatric disorders (i.e., depression and anxiety). Most research shows that the best way to address these is with both medication and counseling. Life would be much simpler if everything that happens was caused by one cause, but unfortunately there can be many causes in complex interaction causing what seems like one problem. Even if there is a biological or psychiatric component, if there have been efforts to soothe or compensate a young anxious mind, there can also be a habit or other psychological component that should probably be addressed at the same time (see the section on habits below). Difficulty sleeping can occur because of something on a child's mind that he or she is not comfortable talking about. This can be because he or she has been exposed to or has experienced something scary or weird (horror movie, traumatic event, molestation). It is especially difficult to get kids to talk about things they think will be dismissed or will cause them to be told they're bad or stupid. It is also especially difficult to get a child to talk about things that they think will hurt or harm their parents. Difficulty sleeping can also occur because of a medication or change in schedule or diet.
Regular elements, routine and sleep. If sleeplessness doesn't occur every night, it is sometimes very helpful to ask yourself what the difference might be due to. Sleep happens best when it is in a routine that is followed. Is the routine out of whack? Sleep is also tough when excited about something. If the problem is the routine, either get more routine in your routine OR just get used to it -- your child will have a tough time sleeping when the routine needs to different. That means the next day may be tougher -- emotionally and behaviorally -- and it means you should probably try to be more patient with your child and have somewhat lower expectations. This is all the more important if your child's lack of sleep translates to lack of sleep for you, too. OR, you may be able to find something that helps get him or her asleep and make that a routine part of non-routine nights. A hypnosis or relaxation tape/CD focused on getting to sleep or focused on just relaxing might help a lot.
If you are anxious about something significant, your child may well be anxious too. Most parents live in denial about how much their kids are soaking up from their parents' thoughts and worries. If a parent is a little worried and not making an effort to at least pretend not to be worried at all, his or her child or children may be anxious in the extreme. Children may be very anxious but also anxious about parents finding out about the anxiety because they don't want their parents to be concerned, angry or more anxious than they already are. Children pick up on parental anxiety and a little, "You don't have to worry," is usually totally inadequate in allaying fears. If a child has been traumatized -- if he or she has been frightened in any way about his or her safety or ability to be safe -- there may be significant anxiety which can cause sleep difficulties. In either of the above situations, it's a good idea to consult a psychotherapist that works with children if the sleeplessness is more than just once in awhile. Even if you feel that your child may have picked up on mild anxiousness on your part, if sleeplessness is happening a few nights a week or more often your child may be experiencing significant anxiety because of the way his or her child's mind magnified and/or imagined things. A good psychotherapist can help you identify what the anxiousness is about and can help you find ways to convey to your child that things are really okay or at least are going to be (even if you don't really believe that, it's important to children to believe it).
If sleep conditions are not conducive to sleep, it's a no-brainer why there's no sleep. What many parents might miss is that first there may be problem sleep conditions which are understandable but then a bad habit develops that lasts long after the sleep conditions become more optimal. If a bad habit develops, it's just a matter of changing the habit (see the section on habits below).
If an illness may be causing a sleep problem, consult your pediatrician. If there was an illness that caused a sleep problem but the illness is passed but the sleeplessness has not, consider the possibility that you have a habit going on now (see the section on habits below).
Kids can be very anxious about elements of tv shows or stories -- elements that parents may have felt were funny or interesting. Kids think differently than adults do. They deal with information differently and they may have reactions or assumptions that an adult can barely imagine possible. And, to make it a little more complicated, kids don't really pay attention to their own thinking as well or as much as adults do, so things can bother them that they have trouble understanding. Kids may have very little insight into what makes them anxious, or may have difficulty verbalizing their fears even if they have an awareness of them. Kids can be fascinated but deeply frightened by stories with monsters, murders and mayhem and such. If sleeplessness occurs, ask yourself what was on tv and what stories they may have been reading or may have been told. Adding to the complexity, a child may be anxious about something they watched, read or heard and be sleepless for a few nights before they resolve the issue (with or without help from parents), and then -- having developed a taste for late nights or the special interventions parents implemented -- they may have a habit to deal with after that (see the section on habits below).
A nightmare or two every once in awhile is normal (though that doesn't mean they're not really scary). If nightmares persist, consult your pediatrician or a psychotherapist that works with kids. This could mean there is something bothering your child that can be causing or may cause emotional/psychological harm.
Sometimes this can be happening without parents' awareness. Sometimes it can just be an oversight. Some kids are much more sensitive to caffeine or "energy foods." If there is food or drink intake happening along these lines in the hours before sleep, you might try experimenting with restricting these. Even if you stop caffeine drinking, etc., you still may have a habit to deal with. It can be fun to be up late. If you think you have a habit to deal with after restricting intake of food and drink, see the section on habits below.
Is there a concern that monsters will come with the lights out or that burglars may invade the house or that Dad will possibly beat up Mom when the lights go out? If these kinds of problems are causing sleeplessness, reassure your child, get a night light, get therapy and stop fighting. If there are anxieties about monsters or loss of parents, hypnosis tapes/CDs can help -- as can home-made tapes/CDs you make yourself for your child to listen to in bed at night. Under these circumstances you might think you have a habit after awhile. However, sleep problems related to anxiousness don't turn into habits like opportunities to stay up late or nights with disturbances that keep kids up unless you've been routinely doing things to soothe and distract your child that may be sorely missed for awhile if they are withheld. Generally speaking, though, under conditions of anxiousness it's good to recognize that being fearful can itself become habitual in a complex way. In addressing anxiousness, it's important not to pressure the child unduly or miss what he or she is saying about his or her concerns. Reality is in the mind of the beholder.
When napping is taking place, it's easier to do without sleep at night and it's harder to get to sleep and stay asleep. Sleep needs change. If your child naps during the day and then is unable to get to sleep and sleep through the night, the possibility that your child is no longer in need of a nap could be considered. Once you adjust this schedule, there still may be a habit left to deal with, depending on how fun it was to be unable to sleep nights (see the section on habits below).
The answers to these questions are very telling. If there is anything fun or otherwise rewarding going on instead of sleeping, maybe the fun is the important issue. A child who finds that he or she is accepted in Mom's and Dad's bed or who finds that Mom will come in and sleep in his or her room -- or who gets a bowl of ice cream or a new CD -- "to help" him or her get to sleep is likely to find staying awake a way better idea than going to sleep. The fix is to withdraw these supports without making the child feel anxious that if he or she has a problem, Mom and Dad won't help. The problem rewards need to be gradually withdrawn and the habit needs to be dealt with (see the section on habits below).
Here again, like the question above, is telling information. If the sleeplessness is not a problem for your child, it's not likely to be something your child will want to work on changing. If sleeplessness is not a problem for your child, working on sleep will be. If it is a problem for you, you'll need to make the situation a problem for your child before much will change. You can do this by reducing rewards for staying awake and offering rewards (be reasonable, now) for getting to sleep and staying asleep. Once you have a motivated child, you can work on the problem as a habit (see the section on habits below).
By now, if you've gone through the questions above, this may seem redundant. It's good to go over again, though -- especially with regard to what might be the reward for the parent. Though Mom and Dad may say that they are very concerned about a child's sleeplessness, there may be underlying things going on for one or both that create and unconscious tendency to subtle sabotage their children's sleep efforts. If Mom and Dad are having struggles but they cooperate on the sleep problems of their child, everybody may consciously or unconsciously be motivated to keep the sleep problems happening. This underlying benefit from the sleep "problems," by the way, can be obvious or subtle. It would be obvious if Mom and Dad never really could talk without fighting except with regard to the kids' problems. It might not seem so obvious if Mom and Dad are actually uncomfortable sleeping together and (coincidentally) sleep problems in a child keeps them from going to bed together or even sleeping together. It is a good idea to really think through the benefits from sleeplessness problems in children. Directly discuss and address benefits to your child that may get in the way. Directly deal with but unless you really think you have a very good reason to do so, do NOT discuss with your child the underlying parental motivations that may be in play. Once you've uncluttered the situation vis-a-vis the rewards to the various players, you likely will have a habit to deal with (and again, see the section on habits below).
This is just a good check on the various issues discussed above. Often we don't see things because we are too enmeshed in them (we can't see the forest for the trees). Though obviously one has to make the final decisions him- or herself, it's usually good to take into account what others are seeing and saying.
Habits can be broken with a little work. The longer a habit has been happening, the more work there is to do. The more rewarding the habit is, the more work there is to do. The more rewarding the habit is to anyone in the household, the more work there is to do. When you work on a habit, the work is not done just because a few days go by without seeing it. Old habits die hard. Old habits recur -- usually during tough times when you can't really pay attention. It's not mischief or oppositionalism in a child nor is it in a relapsing adult. It's just a fact of life that old behaviors and attitudes keep coming back. You have to keep working on sustaining new habits and behaviors until the new ones are old ones. To work on a habit, rely on a plan. Sometimes mindless reacting actually accomplishes everything that might have been hoped for from well thought-out logical strategizing. However, it is more likely that thinking through a problem and developing a well thought-out strategy that can be practically implemented will work better.
If your child has an adolescent-level vocabulary and if sleep problems seem to be related to stress, "are we asleep yet, too?" is focused directly on the elements of sleep problems listed above. "healing tree 2" could also be very helpful. It focuses on the elements of get-to-sleep skills with a somewhat more intensive focus on resiliency and adjustment to changes and hardship. If sleep problems are related to thoughts that are difficult for your child to ignore at night (e.g., "I don't know, Mom, I just have too many thoughts at night..."), and again, if your child has a fairly mature vocabulary, "performance 2" could be very helpful. It focuses on relaxation and letting go of thoughts that are bothersome. Other tapes & CDs & resources for helping kids Check out http://www.stanford.edu/~dement/sleepaids.html for other recordings (relaxation, hypnosis, etc.) for kids having sleep problems. Coping with Childhood Fears is a very brief, helpful article. The Sleep Tight Video©; info on night terrors - A pediatrician-made video to help kids get to sleep and help parents; info on night terrors.
e m a i l s Dear Dr. J, I have a 10 year old little boy who is having sleep problems. I do not want to medicate him if he can be helped another way. His father and I seperated about 2 years ago. Bitter divorce. Lived in a rental home for about one year. Moved into my brothers house (house sitting) for the past year. My son used to wake up in the night at our rental home because he felt unsafe. He always heard noised outside. The only way he would get a good nights sleep is if he would get into bed with me. My son's grandmother (his fathers mom) used to tell him that it was an unsafe neighborhood and that to be very careful. When we moved he seemed to sleep better. I don't know why, but the last month to a month and a half he started not sleeping again. Thinking someone is trying to get into the house. Always worried that I would fall asleep before he did. Wanting to get into bed with me. I will not let him sleep with me, because I get no sleep and get cranky. I also don't want him to get used to it. Who do I contact or what should I do to help my son sleep better? Your input is greatly appreciated.
"I was just reading some of the questions on head cleaners for children but amazingly I didn't find one to answer my question. My 17 month old daughter will not sleep through the night she use to but for the past 4-5months she is up at least three times. I thought it was something medical but discovered it was not. Then I thought it was teasing but it was not . When my mother stayed at the house over night my 17 month old child slept 12 hours for her but the next night when I was back home she reverted back to her old ways Please help. If our sleepless nights don't end we'll go crazy."
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sleep links
are we asleep yet, too? Hypnosis to aid in letting go of worries and upsets for a sound, refreshing sleep. An entrancing verbal nightcap/sedative woven with imageries and suggestions to aid the sleepally challenged in relaxing their sleepless &/or anxious minds so they can slip past sleeplessness and into sleep. For both insomnia and simple sleeplessness and for both getting to sleep and getting back to sleep. Cpap masks cpap machines treat sleep apnea CPAP masks and cpap machines to treat sleep apnea from Advanscpap. Advanscpap provides cpam masks and cpap machines to treat sleep apnea at the lowest prices on the internet. Contribution of article made possible through Dr. Glenn Johnson PhD @ http://www.head-cleaners.com More articles, Hypnosis CD's, Tapes and MP3's are available through Dr. J's website. |
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